if you are at all connected with me on social you've probably heard by now that I landed in the ICU with covid
last Tuesday.
One minute i'm coming off an incredible speaking gig in West Palm with all the industry glitterati and the next minute I literally CAN'T BREATHE and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I figured I'd be in the ER waiting for a while to be seen but apparently my oxygen was in the 50s and I was rushed in for treatment.
There was talk of intubation and I have to tell you...
I WAS SCARED.
I had 2 nurses and 2 doctors working to stabilize me.
Fast and furious.
They got me under control and moved me up the ICU where I was hooked to a thousand wires and I was told to focus on breathing....
And so I did.
How do you know how far you've come in life?
Is it your possessions?
NOPE...
No possession means anything when you can't breathe.
Is it your bank account?
No....because that can be wiped in a moment.
Is it fame and adulation from "Your Brand"
Not at all.
If anything had TRULY happened would anyone even notice I was gone?
How long would it even take?
Days?
Weeks?
I can't tell you your answer but I can tell you what happened to me...
It is the INNER PEACE you access when you have no control.
For a week I have had ZERO CONTROL.
I don't even control my ability to go to the bathroom here.
I'm in a hospital johnny with my ass hanging out basically a prisoner to WIRES.
I have no fancy outfits....no fake lashes and my nails are a mess.
I haven't bathed in a week.
I SMELL.
And yet NONE OF THAT is ME.
We spend our lives trying to have control.
To gain security.
To be in charge of a life we THINK we are supposed to be living.
I finally realized that I have been trying so hard to be loved, honored and acknowledge I was living a life that does not give evidence to my very essence.
And during a period were I was stripped of all I thought I had been working my whole life towards I finally SAW something SO much deeper.
And that is what I will be talking about in the days and weeks to come.
There's something more than the chase we were set on as children.
Something so much more.
Goodnight from Saint Mary's Hospital in Waterbury Connecticut.
Where I am BLESSED to be breathing deeply and fully.
Both from my lungs and from my SOUL.
Diane